3 things

I don't know everything,  and I certainly don't know everything about marriage. But here's the deal: Jay and I are imperfect people, but we love each other and we've worked really hard to create a marriage that is happy and comfortable and full of love. We've worked for it, and I think any two people who want to work for it can have a happy marriage too. (I fully understand that relationships are complicated and it takes two to tango, but all of these things have really worked in our specific situation and others that I know. Plus, science and research.)

So here are 3 things we try to do that work.

Think nice:
Your relationship cannot be happy if you're thinking mean or harsh things about your spouse all the time. Happiness and harsh words or critical thoughts cannot coexist. They represent darkness and light, contention and peace, like and dislike and they cannot exist in the same space. Not that we have complete control over what wanders into our head, but I believe we have a choice about what we do with those thoughts once they end up there. So stop it. Stop is as soon and as often as you can. Make a conscious effort to think only good things about your spouse for a full day- a full week- forever. They will feel the difference and so will you. And remember your brain is like a muscle, and the more you work that muscle and choose what you do with those thoughts, the stronger it will get. You can literally rewire your brain. It may take time, especially if you haven't exactly worked on your thoughts very often the last year (or five or ten years).

Don't keep score:
Things aren't even- no two jobs are the same, no two people are the same. Some people enjoy laundry, some people hate dishes, so no two jobs are equal in the grand scheme. Not to mention no to peoples' mental capacities are the same at the same point in time. Some seasons are more emotionally exhausting than others, and it's ok for things to be a little imbalanced on paper during those times. Some days are more exhausting, and we each may have less capacity for things left at the end of those. Preferences and abilities are different: some people care more about it being clean, some people don't. Some people like doing research and planning, and some would rather just go for it. So the best way I've found to even the drawing board is to forget it. Totally and completely forget it. If I want to do something (aka I want the dishes done right this moment or have a clean house or whatever) that's my prerogative- not something Jay is indebted to me for. And vice versa. If he prefers to do really detailed planning on trips and projects or have a perfectly manicured lawn, that can be his thing. Important sidetone: if you need help, ask, but it is never fair to keep silent score against your spouse. It creates immediate opposition. You only keep score if you're on different teams. Stop. It.

Be happy and express love:
If we are to act not be acted upon, I think the best choice we can make is to be happy regardless of the circumstance. I'm always struck at how quickly attitude contagion happens. If Jay is happy, it's hard for me to be upset or angry and vice versa. We (hopefully) love our spouses, and we may even tell them. What if we followed the Savior's advice and took it a step further to show them love and kindness every day. It's a lot easier to think, "they know I love them" than it is to make sure that they know and have not forgotten. Try using their love languages. I'm not exaggerating when I say speaking each others love languages has made all the difference in our marriage. You may be showing them love in ways they don't recognize, which makes you feel bad or irritated, and them feel unloved. Make an effort to show kindness and to be happy regardless of circumstance. When you have capacity to- be the sunshine.

I say these things not because I'm perfect at them, but that I'm imperfect.
I can be intense and emotional and a million other things all in one day,
and these are things that help me to have a happier marriage.
I am happier when I do these things, and I'm trying to be happy.
I believe life is made for us to be happy, so if you aren't feeling happy... trying is always worth a shot.

Here's to four years!

Some of my favorite memories and photos of one of my favorite days in the entire world. 

Four years ago right this minute I entered the temple and made promises to love and be faithful to my favorite boy. That dimple and those blue eyes became mine forever, and I'm so grateful I made that wonderful, scary, life-changing promise. 

Nobody is perfect and no marriage is perfect but some of my favorite things about Jay and our marriage right now are.

The I love yous. There is never a shortage of I love yous and hugs in our household. 

Bedtime! Guys, I love bed. And I love sleep. And I love cuddling in for the night at 9 o'clock and talking about our days...and being old people that go to sleep early. It's always been my dream. Ask my college roommates who sabotaged my early-bedtime attempts.

Our home! I love our house and our yard and our roses and our kitchen...just everything about it. 

I love watching Jay be a dad. Not that I haven't loved that for the last almost 2 years, but Rory is a full blown toddler these days, and it's totally Jay's jam. There's wrestling and pillow fights and funny voices and a lot of laughing. 

Why we left our baby (and why you should too)

We thought long and hard about bringing Rory on this trip.
We are fully and unabashedly obsessed with her, and honestly I was sick just thinking about leaving her for so long. Our life is better and more complete with her in it, so why didn't we take her? After all, it's trendy to vacation with your kids these days. I feel like every famous blogger is constantly taking their kids on trips around the world... am I wrong?

But here's why I think you should take a trip just the two of you. Not every trip you ever go on, but at least a good solid once every year or two.

I think life itself is a process of change and rediscovery, and so our marriages (being a union of two lives) must be thus. So, especially after you have kids and get into the throws of life, do you know who you are as a couple? Not who you were when you got married, not who you are at the end of a long day when you're exhausted and fall into routine, but who you are when you get to just be....you?

I'm glad we didn't take Rory on this trip because it was fun for me to rediscover  Jaylor.
Who have we become as a couple 4 years post-matrimony and 2 years post-kid?

We are:
Dog lovers. We are the people who oogle over every shaggy, sweet dog being taken for a walk. And guys, who knew?! There are dogs EVERYWHERE in Europe. In restaurants, on trains, walking the streets. Everywhere. I had no idea we were (I for sure didn't realize I was) those kind of people. I don't think we ever even looked twice at a dog before getting our own and accidentally becoming dog people in the process and now we are slightly ridiculous.

Foodies. Food was more of a priority than museums in most every city, and thank the high heavens because I don't do well without good, full meals. Also ice cream. Gelato was a priority for us both, and gosh if Jay asking me if I want another gelato doesn't make me swoon.

Hand holders. I remember loving when we were dating that Jay always held my hand. We haven't done a ton of that lately, because when does that happen when you're wrangling a cat... I mean two year old? Grateful that part of us hasn't changed.

Serious talkers. Jay and I aren't chit chatters, necessarily. Jay is my quiet place, and always has been. And I am a big fan of quiet places. But when it comes to talking about stuff that matters (I mean, like relationship stuff, because isn't that what matters the very most?) we don't wait, and we get to the bottom of it. I like that about us. We fix anything that needs fixing. Immediately. And we can talk about hard things, which is a big big deal for me. I don't care if we aren't professional mindless chatterers as long as we can talk when it does matter.

Small town people, through and through. My handle for most social media is smalltowntaylor, and I did it because it's kind of clever... but OH MY GOSH IT'S SO TRUE. You guys, I wanted to die being surrounded by 5000 tourists and signs telling you to watch your back for pick-pockets. It's draining and emotionally exhausting for me, and I hate it. The museums are cool and everything but more often than not I'm just as happy to sit and enjoy God's creations. Roses, beautiful hillsides, the sunset, etc. We both enjoy solitude rather than crowds. Win.

There's lots more, but these were some of my favorites. I told Jay several times on this trip "I like us", and it's true. It's so good (and necessary) to be in love, but it's so fun to be in like too and I think sometimes that's harder to hold onto. I want to always genuinely like Jay and who we are/are becoming together. And if you go on a trip together and don't like who you right now, it's good to figure that out! Use it as a reason to open a conversation, and work toward something you can build on and grow old together with. Grateful for my forever person.

I like Jaylor.

3 years with My Favorite Boy

Cheers for three years friends. 

We have been playing host all week while Jay's family is in town for graduation/spring term starting. But on our anniversary we left Rory in their capable hands and went for an extra long date night! 

My only requests were that we crack out our wedding video and that I get honeycomb ice cream from Rockwell Creamery at some point in the evening. Lucky for me, Jay made all my dreams come true and it was one of my favorite dates we've been on. 

And honestly? We didn't do anything crazy. We bought Jay a new suit, drove around to all the apartments (except the barn, of course) we've lived in since our dating days, and watched our wedding video. We split a salad and french fries to leave room for dessert and turned in early. We just really really like being together. It's a pretty cool thing when you get to spend forever with your favorite person in the whole world. And to know that if you keep working it gets even better.

Jay Winters, you are my person and I love you. Wouldn't choose anyone else if I could. 

I will always be grateful God knew better than I did and gave me you.

So three apartments, a house, a baby, a puppy, and a whole lot of life later- cheers to three years!

(^ the only picture we got of the evening, per the usual)

28 weeks: lazy Saturdays

I haven't always been able to appreciate lazy Saturdays.
You know, they're just... laazzzyyy. And I never used to be able to handle that.
Saturdays are for projects and errands and if I don't get anything done on Saturdays....
I don't know what I thought. Death? Sinners prison? Lack of living up to anything?
Not to say there weren't lazy Saturdays, but I always felt guilty when there were.

Then into my life waltzed Jay who likes to spend time together on weekends.
[at least when there is no pressing work/homework to be done...novel, right? spending quality time?]
And he showed me the beauty of a lazy Saturday.

Today was one of those Saturdays. We skipped out for the coast Friday evening,
and when we went to bed we didn't even set an alarm.
So we woke up slow, and I read for fun while he read for school,
and we went and got take-out for lunch whenever we felt like eating [2:30 pm],
and watched movies together on the couch [skipping between two because we are adults and we can]
And then we were a little tired so Jay suggested a nap.
My pregnant self slept in until what my former life would call a ridiculously late hour,
so I opted to just cuddle for a minute then skip out on the sleeping part.
And my mind wandered to thinking how much I've loved our lazy Saturdays together,
and how few and far between those will be once this baby girl comes.
And I cried for a few minutes.
And stayed there scratching my sleeping husband's back longer than I intended.
Because far too often I'm overzealous and want time to speed up
and for June and baby and all the rest to be here right away.

But today, on this lazy Saturday, I just wanted time to stop for a half a second.
I just wanted to breath in all these moments of time with Jay [and myself].
I wanted to remember what it feels like to be just us before baby.

I know we will love her. Heavens, a day doesn't go by when we don't talk to and about her.
And I know we will love our little family unit the way it will be when she comes.
But goodness if I'm not grateful for our family unit the way it is now.
So cheers to soaking in the last trimester before baby, and all the good things.

*And cheers to Jess, for making sure we did a maternity shoot before baby comes.
See is a genius and every expecting mom deserves to feel pretty while pregnant. 
[it's harder sometimes than I thought it would be]

10 things I love about being married to my boy: an anniversary post

Sunday was our 1 year anniversary!
And 10 is  a multiple of 1?
It just sounded like a good number of things to choose.
Because heaven knows I couldn't limit it to one,
and anything more would get me in trouble.
But these are some of my favorite things about the boy I married,
and why I love being married to him.


1: He knows how to be silly. I can't tell you how many times I've laughed until I fell down or had to lean against the wall for support because of that husband of mine. He kills me, and knows how to lighten my type-A personality up when I am killing the household's happiness.
[not that I don't need to work on that by myself sometimes, but you know... humor helps]

2: He is okay with change. When something is wrong, he is willing to talk about it. If something needs to change in our marriage or habits in order for us to be the best us, he is willing to talk it through completely and if a change needs to be made- we make it together.

3: He lets me be me. I'm a lot of attitude and fire and stuff-going-on a lot of the time, and my sweet husband lets me be just that. He's proud of my accomplishments and supported me through working two jobs and going to school full time and doing my thing. He never stifles me, and I'm so grateful.

4: He is uninhibited. He says what he wants to say, and doesn't think twice about whether everyone in the room agrees with him or not. I can't say I do the same in every circumstance, and I probably care too much what people think sometimes. I appreciate a good honest and open individual, and that includes my husband.

5: He knows how to work hard. And that's that.

6: He apologizes quickly... and usually first. I'm too stubborn for my own good most of the time. So typically, if I'm mad- I'm mad. I couldn't be more grateful for a husband who is much more humble than I am, and hugs my mad-self until I hug back and kisses my cheeks until I can't be mad anymore....even if it's totally my fault.

7: He is self sufficient. If I'm busy, he can handle it (thank heavens), or if my mom and sister come into town and I'm too busy to ski- he will go without me! He's not the kind of man you have to babysit at a party and I'm really grateful for that.

8: He can drive. I was half-afraid during my dating experience that I was going to have to take over and drive for some boy who didn't know how to handle mud/snow/4 wheel drive. I grew up with a family of men who were men and lived on dirt roads, and I am grateful Jay falls into that category.
[weird that that is of any importance at all, I know, but it's a thing for me, okay?]

9: He humors me. Jay does not appreciate slow dancing or flowers or Disney cartoons, and I am grateful for his all-boyness that makes those things true... But knowing what I know about him, I am really grateful for the moments when he suggests we rent Frozen to celebrate my last day of school, or puts on music to dance with me in the kitchen when I'm stressed.

10: He is a good decision maker. I am much too rash when it comes to decision making. I mean, do the little details make a difference anyways?! My time is valuable here, people! My husband is about five thousand times a better person than I am in this category. He does his research on everything from apartments, to moving vans, to movies. He explores all options and our marriage is better for it.
[I'm learning, slowly...]

I could name a thousand things, but he would be too embarrassed.
Let's be real, this will embarrass him too.
But heck if I won't reserve the right to smother my boy in every form of mushy love on our first anniversary.
Because I reserve that right.

Marriage is a challenging adventure,
and I'm sure grateful to be doing it with this guy.
Let's flash back to some sappy/awesome/happy engagements.
I think it's fitting...

"marriage is hard"

We're coming up on marriage season,
so let's talk marriage.

And let's be real about it.
I'm about to be that girl who tells you how wonderful marriage is.
But before you stop reading because I must be some naive newlywed with no problems...
Let's talk about the why and the HOW, because I think too often we aren't real about marriage.
Too many times we hear this...
"Marriage is good, marriage is great, marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do."
What does that even mean?!
And UM, hello.... since when do hard things ever sound appealing?
And what's with the vagueness of that statement?
I don't know everything, but I know something... and I've learned quite about what they mean.
A lot that nobody ever happened to mention before I got married.

Nobody told me it was hard, until the 4th of July.
I was sitting at a bonfire thinking about how I'm a horrible wife and I'm failing at this...
And a lady I didn't know asked me how long I'd been married.
I replied "two months" she did a little dramatic gasp and exclaimed,
"Wow! Two months! You look really happy, so you are ahead of the game....
I was a wreck at two months and felt like I had no idea what I had gotten into.
It just gets better and better from there. If you look this good now, you're doing great"
I will never forget that moment.
It was the first time I realized someone else didn't have a perfect marriage right away either.
And even though it was harder than I thought, I was going to be okay.
So this is me, telling you you'll be okay.

Marriage can be hard.
Even if you're an awesome partner with tons of love and good intentions.
Even if you're with the person you believe hung the moon.
Even if all those things are true, marriage can still be hard.
But if you figure that out and learn to move past it, the hard gets easier.
Think about it logically and it makes perfect sense.
You are trying to bring into one unit two people with two different families and backgrounds,
different hobbies, different norms, different wants and likes, different senses of humor sometimes.
Oh, and different brain structure and communication styles and love languages and imperfections.
It's a miracle people are brave enough to dive in knowing even that much, isn't it?
But we do.
We fall in love and want to make each other happy and have babies and live happily ever after.
So we jump in.

But there's still that stuff. Those differences. The different brains.
And it's ok if sometimes there's disagreement, or it feels hard.
Guess what? It's ok if it IS hard. And it certainly doesn't mean it's broken.

The thing that I've found to be the key through all of my reading and interactions with people,
[and naturally, my marriage]
is you both have to be willing to try.
You have to be willing to try to understand, to feel empathy, to stand up for what you know is right.
You have to be willing to wake up every morning and make the decision to love that person.
Not just love them, but love them with all you've got.
And I can't tell you the inexplicable joy that will come when every day
your marriage gets better and stronger and happier than the day before.
Even if you didn't think that was possible.  Or maybe you just hoped it was.

Marriage wasn't some kind of walk in the park for me, at least not right away.
I am stubborn, I thought I had life figured out.
Then I had to re-adjust and be exposed to all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities..
and be willing to share mine and learn his? It was an adjustment.
But as I did my best and was open and honest with my sweet boy,
each day got easier and better and happier.
Being married to Jay has made me the happiest I have ever been.
There have certainly been happy days and weeks and moments in my past,
but being married is different.
I feel whole and truly happy knowing that I get to be with Jay forever.
And I get to wake up each day and choose him again.
And roll over into his arms and dedicate my life and love to my marriage.
Every day. For the rest of forever.
Marriage is the best thing that I've ever done.
It is worth it all and so much more.

"All good things are worth waiting for and worth fighting for"
-Susan Gale

let's hear it for the new year

2013 was good to me,
Really really good to me.
I had some of the best and brightest moments of my life last year.
I also went through some hard stuff,
and I mean really hard stuff.
But I was better for it upon coming out on the other side.

The love of my life got down on one knee,
and told me he may never have the most money or provide the most things,
but he will always love me more than anyone else could.
And I gave a wholehearted yes.

I floundered and fell and cried more than my whole life combined this year.
And I've also felt more happiness and warmth and love than ever before..

And let me tell you, I'm all about resolutions.
However, I firmly believe they aren't limited to the New Year.
Not in planning or in execution.

So here they are!
Some are already put in to practice, and some are waiting for a different time.
This new year I want to make goals that matter.
I want to improve myself and my relationships.
I want to love better.
I want to be more patient with my surroundings and myself.
I resolve to exercise more, and eat what makes my body feels good.
That includes more fruit, and sometimes ice cream.
I resolve to pay more attention to my blog,
and write more in my journal.
I will write more letters and make more phone calls.
I will be happy and show it- for me and my husband.
I will take more risks, and not be afraid to fail.
Follow my gut, follow through.
Take more pictures.
Think about others before and more often than myself.

Life is about making others happy, not making myself happy.
[I believe I should take care of myself too, but I should not be the center of my life]
I tend to mix those two up more often than not.

So here's to strengthening marriage, experiencing more, and living more fully.
Here's to a new day, a new month, and a new year.

"I can make my own decisions, thank you": a post on gratitude

I am grateful, I hope you know.
I am blessed, and kneel in prayers of gratitude each night.
I am grateful for the stars to remind me I'm small,
I'm thankful for my Brother, to remind me that I matter.
I'm grateful for my sweet little home,
and for the best friend to share it with.
I'm grateful for the clothes on my back,
and that I live nestled between the mountains.

One thing I've been really grateful for the last few months is that I got to choose.
When I was dating Jay, I just wanted God to tell me to marry him.
Um, hello. That would be so much easier than choosing myself.
So I would get frustrated that I didn't know for sure.
I should have trusted that the man upstairs knows what he is doing
and enjoyed the ride more than I did.

And you know what I have realized?
I'm stubborn, and independent.
I always have been.
When I was a baby, my mother couldn't rock me to sleep.
I would reach for the crib after only a few moments.
I could make my own decisions, thank you very much.
I don't like others to make decisions for me, and I never have.
So why was I so wishing for someone to do so now?
If someone told me I needed to lose weight and put me on a diet, I resented it.
If someone set goals for me, I chose to make different goals.
If someone told me to focus on myself, I went outside myself and got involved with others.
I have always made decisions for myself.
Had I been gifted the answer of who to marry,
I wonder if I would be as happy with that choice.
Under inspection of past experience, I would say not so.
I couldn't see it then, but there is wisdom in all things.
I made my own decision, and I chose Jay to be mine forever.
And despite a moment of hardship where I wanted differently,
I will forever be grateful I was allowed to do so.
The Lord has reaffirmed my decision a thousand times over.

The Lord is so wise.
He knows how I make decisions,
and though I wanted so badly for this to be different...
He knew I needed to choose for myself in order to be the happiest I could be.
That's what He wants after all, for us to be happy.
It is called the plan of happiness for a reason, you know.
So today, and forever, I am grateful the Lord knew me enough to let me choose.
And I am grateful I chose Jay. I am more grateful and understand more all the time.
Truly some of God's greatest gifts to us are the requests he leaves unanswered.
I am grateful for a million things, but my choice to marry Jay is one of the biggest.

cheers to more years

Last week marks Jay and I having been together for a year and married for 6 months,
and what an amazing, growth-filled, happy year it has been.
We went to Park City last weekend for a romantic dinner (steak, of course)
and came home promptly because that is our very favorite place to be.
Call us what you want, but we would rather be home and cuddled in a blanket than most anywhere.

Seeing that it's been a year, we reminisced on what we've learned and our favorite moments.

Hands down, our wedding day was the happiest day on record.
Of course there have been plenty of perfect, happy moments since...
but April 27th as a whole was just moment after moment of pure happiness.

I love that day, and the boy and family and friends who I got to share it with.
Looking back on the last six months, I feel like I've grown exponentially.
I've learned that communication is more powerful than I ever realized,
and that there are some things that matter less than you think.
Consequently, some things matter more than you thought.
I have learned that the Lord knows me, and knows what I need.
I know that because he sent me Jay, who is not what I had planned,
but is so much better than anything I knew was out there.
I have learned that what they say is true-marriage can be work,
maybe even hard work sometimes,
but being married to Jay has brought a whole new level of happiness I never knew existed.
I have learned that my husband is the funniest person on earth,
and is the only one who can make it all better.

That's how I knew it had to be him, at the end of the day.
If I was off, if something was wrong, if I didn't think I could do it anymore:
he was and always has been the only one who can make it better.

Happy six months, my blue-eyed boy.
It sure has been happy, hasn't it?

The Hogle Zoo and childhood relived

Just so you know, if you're still five years old like we are, you will very much enjoy the Hogle Zoo.
Or any zoo really.
It was on our list of things to do all summer,
so when I got back from Boston...
 it was a must.

I got giddy and nostalgic remembering when I used to go to the zoo on field trips.
And Jay posed with the gorillas in our true small-child-type-of-fun fashion.
And I laughed and laughed at the lemurs lounging in their little swings.
[as they naturally reminded me of King Julian]

And that was how we said goodbye to summer. 
That, and spent an inordinate amount of time watching movies and sleeping in for a day or two.

Then, in a move that is typical of our spur-of-the-moment fathers,
we were swept off to different states for different adventures.

And summer ended with a bang.
A bang that will be further explained in a subsequent post.

Until then, my husband is really cute.
Enjoy.

weekending...

The two weeks before we got married [with finals and packing and everything else]
we only saw each other for an hour per day, tops.
I remember thinking it was going to be such a dream come summer when I could see Jay all the time.

Um, yes.
That was one of the few things I guessed right about marriage.
This time together has been the best.
Somehow though, date night is still needed.
There's something about getting out of the house,
dressing up, doing your hair [*cough cough*],
and going to a museum, or dinner, or a picnic.
Honestly, the what is less important.

So typically Jay leaves one full day of each weekend open, and we date each other.
We've made a habit lately of going to a different temple each week on date night and it's so fun.
We have gone to Oqurirh Mountain and Timpanogos, and this week we went to Bountiful.
Also, the Norman Rockwell Boy Scout exhibit in Salt Lake- it's so good! [and free. score]
The man was amazing. Holy.

Now I'm in full force moving mode.
We are moving out of our baby apartment!
Our current apartment is smaller than most single-wide trailers,  I looked.
But you know, we watched a documentary on sea gypsies this week,
and they live with four other people in a fishing boat. So no complaints.
Life's good.

engagement: a small memoir.

Being in love has been a very personal, vulnerable thing for me.
Vulnerable makes it seem fragile, but that's not so.
Not this love, not the one that's forever.
It was just mine, and something that close to your heart is hard to share sometimes.
So I didn't feel like I wanted to share that part of my life on the internet.

The proposal was perfect: just the two of us, him on one knee, me taken off guard.
He told me he loved me, and wanted to spend his life with me.
I honestly don't remember everything he said...
maybe my shaking hands clasped over my mouth were impairing my hearing.
I hugged him tight, being absolutely speechless.
He suggested that he would like to hear the word yes, and I willingly said the word.

And now my fate is sealed to his, and wedding planning has begun in full force.

I found this saved as a draft in my old blog.
Why it never got posted, I'm not sure.
I thought I would post it now as an explanation,
and for some of you an apology of sorts.
Jay was my first love, and now will be my only love.
And being caught up learning how to be in love,
my feelings felt very personal and tender.

So, you didn't hear a lot from me for a while.
I suppose I just took a few of my allotted "personal days".
Thanks for sticking with me.

[ps this picture was taken just before the first time we ever looked at wedding rings! eek!]

marriage: what I think about the deal

Jay asked me the other day,
"Have I gotten more or less weird since we got married?"

I thought about it for a second.

Um. more fun?
Maybe it's more weird in someone else's opinion,
but I love it.
We sing and dance and laugh our heads off.

As fun as marriage is,
those of you who are married may know what I mean when I say it's also a learning experience.
I feel like I've learned an exponential amount since being married.

One being this:
Jay was a bit of a tough cookie to open up.
When we were dating, he would often just be quiet.
Good heavens, we all know that's not exactly my cup of tea.
If I'm quiet for a length of time I'm either ticked, or thinking, or moody and not wanting to open my mouth.

So everytime Jay was quiet I analyzed and overanalyzed what was wrong.
"Are you ok?....Are you sure?"
After quite a few months I learned that silence isn't negative-
Whaaaaat..? Well fancy that!  
He doesn't think like me.

So naturally, I moved on to asking what he was thinking about.....
Let's skip over that and assume that I learned the exact same lesson.
Shockingly boys minds aren't always going 200 mph,
and they aren't always doing 3 things at once.
[aka driving, listening to music, and thinking about life]

Oh my, there are a million other things I've learned.
Like, "oh wait, everything isn't about me?!"
That pretty much sums up all of them.

You know, I didn't think my life was all about me when I was single, but I was wrong.
Even if I was doing things for other people,
it was my choice
and my timing.
And I thought the way I thought,
and if someone thought differently it was ok.
After all, I wasn't going to be with them forever.
I've learned that it's less about having the same opinion,
and more about learning respect and real understanding for that opinion.

It's a fascinating thing, marriage.
I was told many a time to beware of marriage,
because dating is the best it's ever going to be.
I will contest that until the end of time.
For me it keeps getting better.
But that is a whole different story.

Just know that marriage is happy. 
Really, really, happy.

And I'll be happy to keep learning with this boy forever.