21 March 2014

"marriage is hard"

We're coming up on marriage season,
so let's talk marriage.

And let's be real about it.
I'm about to be that girl who tells you how wonderful marriage is.
But before you stop reading because I must be some naive newlywed with no problems...
Let's talk about the why and the HOW, because I think too often we aren't real about marriage.
Too many times we hear this...
"Marriage is good, marriage is great, marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do."
What does that even mean?!
And UM, hello.... since when do hard things ever sound appealing?
And what's with the vagueness of that statement?
I don't know everything, but I know something... and I've learned quite about what they mean.
A lot that nobody ever happened to mention before I got married.

Nobody told me it was hard, until the 4th of July.
I was sitting at a bonfire thinking about how I'm a horrible wife and I'm failing at this...
And a lady I didn't know asked me how long I'd been married.
I replied "two months" she did a little dramatic gasp and exclaimed,
"Wow! Two months! You look really happy, so you are ahead of the game....
I was a wreck at two months and felt like I had no idea what I had gotten into.
It just gets better and better from there. If you look this good now, you're doing great"
I will never forget that moment.
It was the first time I realized someone else didn't have a perfect marriage right away either.
And even though it was harder than I thought, I was going to be okay.
So this is me, telling you you'll be okay.

Marriage can be hard.
Even if you're an awesome partner with tons of love and good intentions.
Even if you're with the person you believe hung the moon.
Even if all those things are true, marriage can still be hard.
But if you figure that out and learn to move past it, the hard gets easier.
Think about it logically and it makes perfect sense.
You are trying to bring into one unit two people with two different families and backgrounds,
different hobbies, different norms, different wants and likes, different senses of humor sometimes.
Oh, and different brain structure and communication styles and love languages and imperfections.
It's a miracle people are brave enough to dive in knowing even that much, isn't it?
But we do.
We fall in love and want to make each other happy and have babies and live happily ever after.
So we jump in.

But there's still that stuff. Those differences. The different brains.
And it's ok if sometimes there's disagreement, or it feels hard.
Guess what? It's ok if it IS hard. And it certainly doesn't mean it's broken.

The thing that I've found to be the key through all of my reading and interactions with people,
[and naturally, my marriage]
is you both have to be willing to try.
You have to be willing to try to understand, to feel empathy, to stand up for what you know is right.
You have to be willing to wake up every morning and make the decision to love that person.
Not just love them, but love them with all you've got.
And I can't tell you the inexplicable joy that will come when every day
your marriage gets better and stronger and happier than the day before.
Even if you didn't think that was possible.  Or maybe you just hoped it was.

Marriage wasn't some kind of walk in the park for me, at least not right away.
I am stubborn, I thought I had life figured out.
Then I had to re-adjust and be exposed to all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities..
and be willing to share mine and learn his? It was an adjustment.
But as I did my best and was open and honest with my sweet boy,
each day got easier and better and happier.
Being married to Jay has made me the happiest I have ever been.
There have certainly been happy days and weeks and moments in my past,
but being married is different.
I feel whole and truly happy knowing that I get to be with Jay forever.
And I get to wake up each day and choose him again.
And roll over into his arms and dedicate my life and love to my marriage.
Every day. For the rest of forever.
Marriage is the best thing that I've ever done.
It is worth it all and so much more.

"All good things are worth waiting for and worth fighting for"
-Susan Gale

No comments:

Post a Comment

comments are my love language.