Why we left our baby (and why you should too)

We thought long and hard about bringing Rory on this trip.
We are fully and unabashedly obsessed with her, and honestly I was sick just thinking about leaving her for so long. Our life is better and more complete with her in it, so why didn't we take her? After all, it's trendy to vacation with your kids these days. I feel like every famous blogger is constantly taking their kids on trips around the world... am I wrong?

But here's why I think you should take a trip just the two of you. Not every trip you ever go on, but at least a good solid once every year or two.

I think life itself is a process of change and rediscovery, and so our marriages (being a union of two lives) must be thus. So, especially after you have kids and get into the throws of life, do you know who you are as a couple? Not who you were when you got married, not who you are at the end of a long day when you're exhausted and fall into routine, but who you are when you get to just be....you?

I'm glad we didn't take Rory on this trip because it was fun for me to rediscover  Jaylor.
Who have we become as a couple 4 years post-matrimony and 2 years post-kid?

We are:
Dog lovers. We are the people who oogle over every shaggy, sweet dog being taken for a walk. And guys, who knew?! There are dogs EVERYWHERE in Europe. In restaurants, on trains, walking the streets. Everywhere. I had no idea we were (I for sure didn't realize I was) those kind of people. I don't think we ever even looked twice at a dog before getting our own and accidentally becoming dog people in the process and now we are slightly ridiculous.

Foodies. Food was more of a priority than museums in most every city, and thank the high heavens because I don't do well without good, full meals. Also ice cream. Gelato was a priority for us both, and gosh if Jay asking me if I want another gelato doesn't make me swoon.

Hand holders. I remember loving when we were dating that Jay always held my hand. We haven't done a ton of that lately, because when does that happen when you're wrangling a cat... I mean two year old? Grateful that part of us hasn't changed.

Serious talkers. Jay and I aren't chit chatters, necessarily. Jay is my quiet place, and always has been. And I am a big fan of quiet places. But when it comes to talking about stuff that matters (I mean, like relationship stuff, because isn't that what matters the very most?) we don't wait, and we get to the bottom of it. I like that about us. We fix anything that needs fixing. Immediately. And we can talk about hard things, which is a big big deal for me. I don't care if we aren't professional mindless chatterers as long as we can talk when it does matter.

Small town people, through and through. My handle for most social media is smalltowntaylor, and I did it because it's kind of clever... but OH MY GOSH IT'S SO TRUE. You guys, I wanted to die being surrounded by 5000 tourists and signs telling you to watch your back for pick-pockets. It's draining and emotionally exhausting for me, and I hate it. The museums are cool and everything but more often than not I'm just as happy to sit and enjoy God's creations. Roses, beautiful hillsides, the sunset, etc. We both enjoy solitude rather than crowds. Win.

There's lots more, but these were some of my favorites. I told Jay several times on this trip "I like us", and it's true. It's so good (and necessary) to be in love, but it's so fun to be in like too and I think sometimes that's harder to hold onto. I want to always genuinely like Jay and who we are/are becoming together. And if you go on a trip together and don't like who you right now, it's good to figure that out! Use it as a reason to open a conversation, and work toward something you can build on and grow old together with. Grateful for my forever person.

I like Jaylor.

What not to say to a pregnant woman

We've all heard the dreaded remarks.
You know the ones... they make everyone who actually remembers being pregnant
[or has any empathy/consideration whatsoever] cringe.

They go something like one of the following statements:
"Wow, you're looking BIG"
"Are you sure you aren't having twins?"
"Only 28 weeks? You've got a looong way to go"
"Looks like we're getting close. Wait, you're only 28 weeks!??"
"So really.... you're sure you aren't having twins?"

Let me explain, because if you've never had the experience of being pregnant maybe you don't understand. Being pregnant is this wonderful experience where you are helping bring a little innocent spirit to earth and you. gain. weight. But for everybody it is a completely different experience. Some women are worried about not gaining enough because they're barfing their guts out for so long. I have a cousin who swears she gains a baby in each thigh when she's pregnant. Some little tiny things gain 60 lbs per pregnancy and have 10 pound babies and pop right back. Our bodies are different, our babies are different, our pregnancies are different.

How it's worked for me is this. I have always struggled a bit with weight. When I got pregnant I was down about 30 pounds, the healthiest I'd been in years, and weighed about what I did my freshman year of high school. Then I got nauseous. My whole regimen of eating habits/shape went down the tubes. I was exhausted. Working out seemed ludacris. [try finding the desire to work out next time you have the stomach flu. not impossible, but really hard] Vegetables sounded disgusting. I had to eat every two hours to keep the nausea at bay. I wanted to dry heave thinking about eating pretty much anything, especially proteins and good carbs. Forget even thinking about leftovers or prep-ahead meals- the smell of that microwave was like death. So really, I ate a lot of soda crackers and top ramen/yogurt. It wasn't exactly the healthiest/best time of my life but I was trying to stay the least nauseous I could while still getting some kind of nutrition for baby Winters. All of a sudden around Thanksgiving I started feeling better, so bring on the holiday food, baby! And because I hadn't really gained anything at all up until this point I just ate the food. [plus, holidays people. holidays] Then we followed December with a cruise in January. [read: cruise=unlimited food at all times] then came cravings, then came the pop of the tummy.

Then came the "huge" comments. Then, and only then, came any insecurity. Up until that point I had been blissfully happy and growing a baby and taking it in stride and watching my belly grow. I was absurdly proud at night when that little bump would start to show and didn't think anything of the weight gain. Then came the comments.

First, let's just think common sense. Would you say anything that held those same connotations to anybody other than a pregnant woman? Is it ever acceptable to comment on a woman's weight gain when it happens any other way? Probably not. Every one of those comments implies we are either gaining weight at an unnatural pace, looking large enough to house another small child in our growing belly, or are just huge. I'm not too easily offendable, but I just can't seem to twist any of those into a rose colored lense and make them into something nice.

not cool batman.

I don't care if we are huge. Show some dang respect for the work we're going through. Show some respect for the nausea we've endured, for the fitful sleeps, and [for some women] the miserable miserable full 9 months. Have some respect for the years we are about to encounter: the baby raising years. We are brave enough to take that on, and maybe we aren't brave enough just yet and need some support. There are lots of women who refuse to go out after a certain point in pregnancy because people just don't show enough respect. I implore you to think about how you make people feel.

So next time you see a pregnant woman, and you feel inclined to say something... make it kind.
You don't have to be dishonest and tell us we're tiny. We don't care about being tiny.
You do not have to ask if there are extra babies in there: we've had ultrasounds.
You can tell us you like our shoes.
Or you can tell us we look great, beautiful, cute, darling, etc.
You can even say how excited you are we're having a baby. Guess what, we are too.
If none of the above work out for you and your filter: keep it to yoself.
Please and thank you.

Signed,
A Pregnant woman