Confidence

I read an article on sex trafficking today that just about made me sick. It was about a woman who started dating somebody, fell in love with him, and he convinced her to sell her body and eventually took all her money and ruined her life. It sounds crazy, but it's real. She was raised in a stable, two-parent home and had a degree and a good job... but was made a victim.

And do you know why he targeted her? Her lack of confidence.

It scared me to death. I've been there, I'm raising a girl, I know too many girls who have been there too.

I lived that way for so so many years. I thought I wasn't pretty enough or thin enough, I thought nobody would love me the way I was, and that perfection was unattainable. The adversary fed that lie for all it was worth. He told me that my lack of confidence was only affecting me, he made me think as long as I wasn't "sinning" it was all reasonable and fine. He made me think it was justifiable to treat my body poorly and punish and think poorly of myself. I was miserable, and all the causes for my lack of confidence consumed my thoughts day in and day out. I was an extremely harsh critic of my own body, and unconsciously became a harsh critic of others as I constantly compared.

I think about that time in my life sometimes, and most often I feel overwhelming gratitude that I am a different person now: now that I have confidence. Real, genuine, confidence.

Now before I go any further, I feel like there's an important distinction to make. Confidence and arrogance are not the same thing. Arrogance is feeling like you are worth more than someone, and confidence is knowing that your worth something. Arrogance is thinking you could do something better than others, confidence is believing you can do hard things.

I believe in confidence. I believe in teaching it to our daughters and encouraging it in our friends and spouses. I believe knowing who you are and knowing you have a purpose and a role on earth is crucial. If you have real confidence, you can get through hard trials, and withstand hard temptations, and do really good things.

It really is an individual matter. I think confidence doesn't come from anyone else but you (and God). But i do think other people seeing good in us can help us along. Other people's faith in us can help us get to a place where we are ready to believe in ourselves. So just.... I guess the point I didn't know I was getting to is for us to.... be builders. It may not help, but what if we each tried to be builders of other people.  It certainly wouldn't hurt. If we could help inspire confidence in those around us what could we keep from happening in our world? Drugs? Sadness?

And a picture that to me represents this. This is me this summer, one week after having a miscarriage with a body that is a far cry from my fittest, but happy. Genuinely happy and not thinking a second thing about that body that has done so much for me and is such a gift. Not cropped, not covered. My sister asked me to be in a picture, and I got in the picture. (sidenote: I don't think being comfortable in our bodies is the only form of confidence, and I don't think pictures in bathing suits represent confidence. But for me, that's where I've struggled and come from so it represents a lot of personal triumph to even have a picture like this.) So I hope we all strive to find real confidence within ourselves. For me, it's a continual effort. Find purpose and meaning, and build other people. It will change your life, it will change theirs, and it can help change our world.