The great flu of Christmas... and Santa!

I'm finally catching up from Christmas. And the fact that I had the flu in these pictures, a fact I didn't really understand until we were already on the train (and again after New Years! Are you serious?!) is a large reason why. 

Regardless, the Heber Creeper's North Pole Express was so fun! None of the girls were big fans of our special visitor named Santa, but the cute elves let Rory dance in the aisles and we were all wildly entertained watching their flirting and general high school age antics, so it was fun for us too! 

Jay and Brooke stayed home because the flu hit them first, then it hit Zane and I on the train, then my dad, then Jess, Steve and Clara by Christmas Eve. (Can we all appreciate that by the hand of God the two littlest didn't get it somehow?! We said at least twenty prayers of gratitude-little people don't know how to aim into a puke bucket!) We were basically a pile of fun through the holidays, but it was still fun to be together and hang out in misery on the living room floor with the people we love. 

There was something that I thought about so many times though, through the great flu of Christmas. It hit Jess, Steve, and Clara at the same time- hard. So I took over being Clara's mommy for a good part of the day. Jay took Rory, Brooke took Winnie, and I took over for Clara. That poor sweet 4 year old probably threw up a solid 15 times that day. We carried around a puke bucket and did a lot of hot water, soap, and bleach cleaning of everything in sight. But I didn't mind at all- I'd already had the flu so I wasn't scared of cuddling her or washing her clothes or holding her bucket. 

And I think it's that way in life. When we've been through something hard- or gross- or scary it just becomes easier to help someone else going through that same thing. We aren't scared of proximity or of standing there with them in the middle of the chaos. There's a silver lining to every trial, and I think most often that's it. I don't believe God sends us trials necessarily, but he's the one that lets us learn from them and find sweet moments (like holding Clara's puke bucket) in their wake. 

The case for family photos

My mom was so good at making sure we had family photos every year. So, regardless of what happened within that year, we at least had one good picture. 

I'm sure some years didn't turn out so great. I remember (during my awkward middle school phase) we went in for a sitting one year and I could NOT stop blinking at the flash. Then I was so self conscious that it became this mental thing. I think we got one picture with my eyes open, and even then they were red from rubbing them and my smile was forced because I was so stressed. Then come to find out I forgot to take my bright orange hair tie off my wrist. ha! Awkward as I was, I'm glad we took that family picture. I think of our extended family pictures that were used at my cousin Shelby's funeral this past year. We all have pictures of her that we can cherish forever.

Now that we have Rory, I've tried to take a leaf from my mom's book and do family pictures at least once a year. Actual family pictures too. Because when you have too many moving parts (aka a baby and a puppy), even if you have a tripod and decent photography skills you can only run back and forth and reset the camera so many times before you lose all focus and patience. You can certainly get a picture (and it's better than nothing), but for us those photos have never been more than mediocre.

It's just so stressful being the photographer and the subject.  And if you're like us and have a baby that won't sit still or stop being grumpy for more than a half-second, it's nearly impossible to catch anything but tears by yourself. Honestly, it's worth a couple hundred dollars of your budget to get some family photos one time per year. And if you follow photographers on instagram or Facebook, lots of times they will have deals or mini sessions that you can take advantage of! If you can't do that, dress up and go for a sitting at JcPenney at least. (I prefer a professional photographer obviously- there's just so much more emotion and interaction that can be documented in a full session!) Anyways, I'm not trying to endorse anything specific aside from the fact that though your budget could pull you a million different directions, this is something that has been worth it to us to make a priority.  

I've been to three family funerals this year, and in each case any high quality photo was a treasure that could never be replaced. I'm a big fan of memories. Taking them, keeping them, posting them. So here's ours for this year. We've been good at the taking of family pictures thus far (lol. two years, I know), but getting the cards out on time hasn't exactly been my strong suit. For this year, there are at least 50 extras that never got sent out sitting on my desk, hopefully next year will be better. (comment if you want one or they're going in the trash!)

Baby steps in this adulting thing, you know?

On saying goodbye

Death is hard. No matter when or how or who.
It was hard when my moms parents died 6 and 7 years ago.
It was hard when my cousin passed away and left behind a husband and 3 small children.
It was hard when our Debbie died of cancer a year and a half ago.
It was hard when we lost Jay's 15 month old niece in February.
And it was hard yesterday when I lost my grandpa.

Regardless of whether you see it coming, you never comprehend a life ahead without them in it. The children and friends who come after today will never know these people I loved. They will never get to share a chocolate shake with grandpa or have Debbie to bring them sunflowers when they get their wisdom teeth out or a new collection of lip glosses for Christmas. The life I have ahead will never include grandpa asleep in his chair when I come to visit. It will never include Rory playing with Eve at a family gathering.

I know that they're in a better place now than they ever were here, but we are still left here without them. Jay reminded me of that during the first funeral we ever went to together. He leaned over and said something to the effect of, "At least we know they are happy, it's just us saps down here who are sad." And I think he was quite right.

The combination of human nature that makes us change-averse and selfish makes us never want to lose anybody, though that same humanness makes death inevitable. Had I no knowledge or faith in what's to come I would be lost thinking I could never see them again. Luckily I know better. But today I am sad. And tomorrow I may be sad or I may be happy, but life will keep moving.

So here's to hoping Rory inherits Grandpa's brain, wit, and work ethic. To hoping Jay can help keep some off-color remarks moving dinner conversation along in his honor, and that I can always think of Jay the way he thought of grandma when he told me stories of her on the way home from my awards banquet in high school.

Here's to never forgetting being small and convinced that there was a watermelon in his tummy, and that he was going to come upstairs as "the big bad bear" and get Jessica and I when we couldn't stop giggling in bed as kids. Here's to hoping I can enjoy early mornings with Jay the way he did with grandma for as many years as he did, and to hoping I can avoid both his heart-attacks and his temper.

And here's to being grateful. Grateful he softened that temper and loved his grandkids. Grateful that he told me "I love you" so many times. Grateful he kept the ranch he inherited, when I'm sure it often would have made a lot of sense to sell it (and use that brain of his to make a more stable living than being a rancher could afford). Grateful to have known him and shared the same small town with him for my entire childhood. Grateful he could meet my baby here on earth, and now that he can meet the rest of my babies in heaven.

Love you forever, handsome. I'll look forward to seeing you again.

our tiny human: 10 months

Rory really seems to get more and more fun every month. She now smiles and laughs and plays and thinks her dad and Boo are funny. She is happy as a clam to sit and play most times (the obvious exceptions being when she's teething, hungry, or tired) and calls for her puppy "Ba" over and over until she comes and lays at her feet. I've started to get brave enough to take her to child care at the gym a couple times a week and they've asked more than once upon my return, "does she ever cry?" to which I chuckle and say "not really, she's a pretty good kid" which is true. She has her moments that are tough, but that has everything to do with being a baby and nothing to do with her temperament. She's currently sleeping in the carseat on the floor next to me, the tiny champion. 

At 10 months she:

-has two teeth. One just barely broke the skin, but the other sticks up and I call it her little snaggle tooth. She has this super cheesy, squinty-eyed, full-faced smile that shows it off perfectly.

-is a good sleeper, but is cutting back on morning hours and now sleeps from 7:30p-7:30/8a and is then up until her morning nap around 11. I haven't been sleeping super well, so getting up before her to get in my morning chores and prep pre-baby has been a challenge!

-feels a broader range of emotions. She cries now if something scares her. And on the flip side, she has a sense of humor. It's amazing how all of these new parts of her personality come out. 

-doesn't have any desire to crawl, but loves to stand up holding onto either us or a couch, table, etc. She can rotate 360 degrees in seated position and has a pretty impressive reach to grab whatever she wants. My guess is she will walk before she really gets around to crawling. 

-jabbers all the time. Ma-ma, da-da, na-na, ba, etc. She loves them all, and when she's in the mood throws in a good old fashion high pitched scream for variety. (<-- which is only cute for the first five seconds)

-has a constant companion in her trusty steed Boo, who never fails to give her too many kisses and be forever up in her business. That is except when Rory instates one of her high-pitched screams, which drive Boo away (even though most times they are screams of protest because Boo isn't close enough to her).

-finally loves her bath... *hallelujah! praises!* so that's what we do for a solid 30 minutes during the grumpy stage before bedtime. And she's a freakin sweaty kid, so I'm glad this all happened before summer temperatures really set in.

We feel lucky every single day to have this perfect girl as a part of our family. 

We honestly think she's the best and say to each other in bed every night, "she's so awesome". (true story)