07 November 2013

"I can make my own decisions, thank you": a post on gratitude

I am grateful, I hope you know.
I am blessed, and kneel in prayers of gratitude each night.
I am grateful for the stars to remind me I'm small,
I'm thankful for my Brother, to remind me that I matter.
I'm grateful for my sweet little home,
and for the best friend to share it with.
I'm grateful for the clothes on my back,
and that I live nestled between the mountains.

One thing I've been really grateful for the last few months is that I got to choose.
When I was dating Jay, I just wanted God to tell me to marry him.
Um, hello. That would be so much easier than choosing myself.
So I would get frustrated that I didn't know for sure.
I should have trusted that the man upstairs knows what he is doing
and enjoyed the ride more than I did.

And you know what I have realized?
I'm stubborn, and independent.
I always have been.
When I was a baby, my mother couldn't rock me to sleep.
I would reach for the crib after only a few moments.
I could make my own decisions, thank you very much.
I don't like others to make decisions for me, and I never have.
So why was I so wishing for someone to do so now?
If someone told me I needed to lose weight and put me on a diet, I resented it.
If someone set goals for me, I chose to make different goals.
If someone told me to focus on myself, I went outside myself and got involved with others.
I have always made decisions for myself.
Had I been gifted the answer of who to marry,
I wonder if I would be as happy with that choice.
Under inspection of past experience, I would say not so.
I couldn't see it then, but there is wisdom in all things.
I made my own decision, and I chose Jay to be mine forever.
And despite a moment of hardship where I wanted differently,
I will forever be grateful I was allowed to do so.
The Lord has reaffirmed my decision a thousand times over.

The Lord is so wise.
He knows how I make decisions,
and though I wanted so badly for this to be different...
He knew I needed to choose for myself in order to be the happiest I could be.
That's what He wants after all, for us to be happy.
It is called the plan of happiness for a reason, you know.
So today, and forever, I am grateful the Lord knew me enough to let me choose.
And I am grateful I chose Jay. I am more grateful and understand more all the time.
Truly some of God's greatest gifts to us are the requests he leaves unanswered.
I am grateful for a million things, but my choice to marry Jay is one of the biggest.

1 comment:

  1. I think the greatest thing in life is when we recognize that we are ultimately the ones in charge of all things that happen to us. There are many unknown things and we often wish someone else would just take life by the reins and direct us somewhere, but when we take that responsibility into our own hands, all things are possible. Then, of course, we can reflect that on the master plan and see how all of our decisions, both good and bad, just make sense in the end. This is a beautiful gratitude post, Taylor. Far more tasteful than having to share it all over Facebook ;)


comments are my love language.