I am grateful, I hope you know.
I am blessed, and kneel in prayers of gratitude each night.
I am grateful for the stars to remind me I'm small,
I'm thankful for my Brother, to remind me that I matter.
I'm grateful for my sweet little home,
and for the best friend to share it with.
I'm grateful for the clothes on my back,
and that I live nestled between the mountains.
One thing I've been really grateful for the last few months is that I got to choose.
When I was dating Jay, I just wanted God to tell me to marry him.
Um, hello. That would be so much easier than choosing myself.
So I would get frustrated that I didn't know for sure.
I should have trusted that the man upstairs knows what he is doing
and enjoyed the ride more than I did.
And you know what I have realized?
I'm stubborn, and independent.
I always have been.
When I was a baby, my mother couldn't rock me to sleep.
I would reach for the crib after only a few moments.
I could make my own decisions, thank you very much.
I don't like others to make decisions for me, and I never have.
So why was I so wishing for someone to do so now?
If someone told me I needed to lose weight and put me on a diet, I resented it.
If someone set goals for me, I chose to make different goals.
If someone told me to focus on myself, I went outside myself and got involved with others.
I have always made decisions for myself.
Had I been gifted the answer of who to marry,
I wonder if I would be as happy with that choice.
Under inspection of past experience, I would say not so.
I couldn't see it then, but there is wisdom in all things.
I made my own decision, and I chose Jay to be mine forever.
And despite a moment of hardship where I wanted differently,
I will forever be grateful I was allowed to do so.
The Lord has reaffirmed my decision a thousand times over.
The Lord is so wise.
He knows how I make decisions,
and though I wanted so badly for this to be different...
He knew I needed to choose for myself in order to be the happiest I could be.
That's what He wants after all, for us to be happy.
It is called the plan of happiness for a reason, you know.
So today, and forever, I am grateful the Lord knew me enough to let me choose.
And I am grateful I chose Jay. I am more grateful and understand more all the time.
Truly some of God's greatest gifts to us are the requests he leaves unanswered.
I am grateful for a million things, but my choice to marry Jay is one of the biggest.