Of economics and of soul mates

I've sold more than one item second hand. Have you? I've sold unopened water filters and shoes and cars and mattresses, etc.

And there's one thing I've learned. (Aside from that sometimes people are flaky and the worst) And it's that not everything has a huge market. And sometimes, even with the things that you love most or have the most value, it may take a while to find the right buyer. Almost always, you just have to wait.

Example: after Jay and I got married I inherited this GORGEOUS black BMW. You guys, I'm talking black, sleek, gorgeous coupe. I felt like a million bucks in that car, and it drove like a million bucks. Black leather, great sound system, fast-- the car was a dream. Then we started feeling like we wanted to have babies and start our family.

You know what doesn't work with a carseat? A low, two-door, beautiful coupe.

So we looked up what it was worth, I detailed it by hand, we took to-die-for pictures of it on a mountain top, and we listed it online. And then....

*crickets*
  and.....
*more crickets*

We couldn't figure out why nobody wanted this car. It was legitimately perfect (I will forever mourn having to sell it in the first place) and I would have kept it forever and ever-- yet, it seemed like nobody wanted it. We waited and waited and waited some more. We received some interest without offers, and some offers that were laughably low. We took it to carmax, only to walk out with an offer so insulting my dad swore he would never do business with them. The whole thing was incredibly disheartening.

It made us question... was the car not worth what we thought it was? Was the authority we referenced to find its value wrong? But we hoped that wasn't the case, we stuck to our guns, and we waited. And you know what? It took a long time, but we found a buyer. We happened to be out of town when they came, and they asked my mom what our lowest price was. She told them a few hundred below list price, and they snatched it right up. And do you know what my mom told me later? She told me she thinks they would have payed full price. Maybe even more. This car was just what they were looking for, and they knew what it was worth. When you find someone who recognizes the value of what you have to offer, you don't have to cut them a bargain for them to want to take it home.

Now on to dating/marriage/self worth/the bigger picture here. Gosh, we all have so much inherit worth inside of us. And our hearts are on the market there for a little while, and sometimes longer. And it's tricky. It's all just really tricky. There's people telling us there is no such thing as a soul mate, and 'you can make things work with anyone'. But you date and date and date and there's still this nagging feeling that you just couldn't make do with what you've been handed so far. And if you feel like there's a soul mate out there for you it can be overwhelmingly heavy concept to carry. And it's just downright hard to reconcile all of the ideas swirling around on the subject with real life and how your heart feels while you're living it.

Basically, it's the worst. But I think our hearts are all a little bit like a precious item for sale-- in the midst of a bunch of other unique, precious items for sale. We're all different and look and feel and sound different and are made up of different stuff. And we're all worth a lot. But not everybody is looking for exactly what you're offering, or maybe they value you a bit under you're worth. Or maybe they would take you for half price but somewhere inside of you it sits wrong. You're worth more than that. And you sit... and you wait... and you wonder if you're worth what you thought you were, or worth anything at all. Maybe you're wondering if there's anybody out there that's looking for, well... you. And you wonder if whoever or whatever told you you were worth something was wrong, or maybe didn't know you well enough.

And here lies your option. You can take a lowball offer, a lot of people do I think. You can lower you price and take less because you think that's what you're worth. Or you can go to the source and the one who knows you best and ask. Ask what you're worth. Ask if you're loved. Ask if someday someone will come and see you and know your value.

You can find somebody looking for you. For some people maybe there's only one buyer in the world that's looking for what we have to offer, but I think for most of us there's probably a few who would see you and you see them and you both know exactly what the others worth, and are willing to pay the price to take that home with you. Sometimes it takes a long time, sometimes there just isn't any interest coming in, sometimes there seems to be a ton of insulting low ball offers, maybe somebody is interested but with some hefty changes here and there. And you may question what the heck you're doing here, or if it's all worth it. But wait. Be patient. I implore of you. The right one will come and jump at the chance to give all they've got to have you.

I was there. I remember. I remember the ones who were interested but fickle. The ones who thought maybe I was worth it, but changed their mind on the subject from day to day. The ones who just took a look and weren't interested in what I had to offer.

It's economics, people. If there's one buyer out there for you it's just bound to take a minute. If there are two or three that could work it will still take a minute. Every once in a while, fate smiles on people and they find each other right away without a lot of searching, but I think it's much less common. The rest of us must soldier on and exercise patience and try our best not to take our hearts off the market because it hurts to keep it up when it seems like there just aren't any perfect buyers out there.