the hot button

There's been a LOT of talk going around about social media, to be sure.
And I think it's warranted. It's new stuff, and prevalent, and has this ability to suck us in.
It's msn messenger (aol, whatever it was you used) on steroids.
There's this ability for instant gratification and also instant disappointment,
as well as the ability to compare ourselves constantly and not just during school hours.
The combination of all of it can be a little dangerous and overwhelming.

All the things that were present before in the form of instant messenger,
school, yearbooks, dances, writing notes in class, and lunchtime gossip
are now present in our hands literally at any moment we choose to engage.

That's a lot of anxiety for me to even think about.

It's not just teenagers either. People of all ages are taking part in social media.
And there's a lot of talk about cutting it out completely.

But I want to bring up a thought that I feel is severely misrepresented in the conversation.
Because I struggled with comparison and self-love and alllll of the above as a teenager.
More than I can or should adequately convey here.

But I have no hard feelings toward social media. I don't walk away feeling less-than,
or insecure or ugly or depressed. Which seems unlikely when considering my past history and general place in life currently. Not actively in the work force, living a single-income,  single-vehicle (for the four years before I wrote this) life with a small family. In a small town.

Despite all this, I (largely) love and enjoy social media. Most often, I walk away feeling inspired and uplifted and empowered. And of COURSE there are times when I compare myself or feel my debilitating perfectionism creep it, but usually it is short-lived and no more frequent than my life before social media arrived.

So I've thought a lot about why that is. I've bored poor Jay to death having pillow talk about why this is such an issue in our world, why it hasn't been an issue for me, and what we can do together to keep our kids safe from the negative side of it all as they grow. Some of my conclusions are these...

A safe social media space is key:

-A rule I made for myself a long time ago was that I wouldn't follow anyone unless I would say hi to them if I saw them in person. And I live in Utah, and I see quite a lot of them. And some of my followers/friends have done this for me too. I have been reached out to at the gym and in line at Cafe Rio and in the dressing rooms at Nordstrom Rack, and have had to test myself on this when I saw Late with Kate at Joann or Alison Robertson outside Sodalicious. The reason I believe in this principle is that it takes people down off whatever pedestal you've got them on and keeps you grounded in reality when you scroll your feed. People are just people..... and so the next time you see them on your feed you don't compare, you are allowed to admire them (or something they've built/done) but also view them as a human.

-Cut out anything that makes you feel less-than. This one is easier said than done. It feels weird to unfollow people, and some people keep track of that stuff and won't follow people who don't follow them... so you may lose followers. But life does not revolve around how many followers you have. In fact, your daily life likely won't be affected if you lose a few. But your mental health will be affected if your feed is filled with people who make you feel less-than... whatever the reason. So do the hard thing. Unfollow people's posts on Facebook if they are negative, and unfollow someone on Instagram who makes you feel down. (*Note: if someone's posts always uplift you and make you feel happy and inspired, like and comment on those things and you will see more of them! Facebook and Instagram have algorithms that show you more of the things you interact with).

-Fill your feed with whatever it is that inspires you and lifts you up. If that's incredible photography or boss-babe moms who have built amazing careers while raising babies, or businesses who you think do great work, or just regular people (or in my husband's case, memes)... then search them out and fill your feed with that thing.

-Lastly, keep things in perspective. When you see a beautiful image remind yourself how much time and effort it took to get that image. It's no fair to anyone involved to think people look perfect all the time and with no effort. To build anything (large social media following or lifestyle blog included) ANYBODY has to put in a lot of time, effort, consistency, and hard work.


Basically, I think we have control over what we consume and we can cater social media to be what we want it to be.

My husband likes to use social media as a brain break. He follows a lot of funny meme accounts and a few friends/family.

I like to use mine as a place to connect and be inspired by other women building businesses and families. So that's who I follow.

Some people I know like to follow fashion bloggers for outfit inspiration. Or home accounts for home decor inspiration, Or DIY accounts, etc. Just think about what fills you up and gets you excited and follow that thing.

Basically... you do you, boo because there's not one right or wrong way to use social media! If someone uses it to post pretty pictures, that's their prerogative! If a person chooses to open up and foster a community of connection- power to them! A caveat about that too: While I think being authentic and fostering connection is great, I don't think everybody has to use their platform that way and I don't think it's our job to call them out if they aren't. If they are portraying a reality that puts them on someone's pedestal for their clean kitchen and perfect children, I can promise you it's not making their life easier. Move on if it bothers you, and follow along if it inspires you.

So join me in reclaiming what you want from these social media platforms and putting parameters on the time you want to spend there. They can be GREAT ways to connect with people and share information and ideas, but that's only if you're using them that way. And they can be dangerous if we aren't aware and informed on the ways they are affecting us. (sidetone: the studies are finally starting to show us what social media can do from a psychological perspective, which is important to know as well! Know better, do better)

I'm not perfect, but I'm working on it. And I think that's enough.