God's plan and my plan

The best laid plans are no match for the mess of reality. Isn't that how that goes? 

It's true just so you know. Or at least it's proved true for me. 

And since it's Jay's birthday, I'll tell you. He wasn't what I pictured. 

I pictured tall, dark, and handsome, and super sweet. 

(Jay is most of those things, but I wouldn't define him by those specifically)

Then I dated tall, dark, handsome, and super sweet and couldn't fall in love. 

And nothing was working according to my plan, and really nothing was working at all.

So I started focusing elsewhere in my life. And when my guard was down- Jay happened. I had mission papers in for my church so I was open to it.  And it ended up being perfect, and so much better looking back than anything or anyone else.

And God knows me, because Jay is honest and dependable and loves me with the deep, abiding, true kind of love that's exactly what I need. He isn't showy, he doesn't say things he doesn't mean, and he let's me have my own wings and dream and be myself completely. 

Then we started to figure life out together.  First we felt like law school wasn't the right choice and that we should pursue tech jobs. Then we felt right about a company in Utah. Then that company ended up not being a great fit or situation and we decided to move on from after a year. Which then led us to Jay's current job, which came about through moving to Utah and rekindling friendships here, but wasn't ready for Jay's position until last fall. 

We felt right about buying a home when we moved to Utah initially, and home after home after home didn't work out for us. I was 39 weeks pregnant and still had no home to bring Rory to after she was born. It wasn't working how I pictured and certainly not how I wanted. And eventually after a lot of hassle and push and shove we ended up in our sweet foreclosure and got to work making it ours. We love our home, and our ward, and everything about the way things ended up.

And nothing went as planned. And now we feel like we should move again, and we made a fair offer on a house that seemed perfect and they refused to budge. So we looked and looked and finally found a house that seems like a more perfect fit than anything else we looked at, though it wasn't what we had in mind at all. It's a recurring theme. 

I guess what I'm saying is almost every plan I've ever made has gone completely differently than I planned for it to go. I mean I could go on and on and on. I remember feeling so lost in college because I wanted to fit the mold in my program and I didn't get the right internships or ace the right classes and it just never ended......I digress. 

But it all worked out. And sometimes it wasn't until I set my plan aside for a moment and got out of my own way that the Lord could do the work in getting me what I actually needed and getting me where I actually needed to go. Sometimes I just had to have a blank slate so somebody that knew better could come in and paint the picture I couldn't see. And even today, I have a lot of parts of my life mural that... well, I'm trying to see how the current strokes fit. And I'm having to hold back and wait, reminding myself that it will always work out. 

I just really believe this sentiment shared by Gordon B Hinckley...

It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. 

It all works out. Don't worry. 

I say that to myself every morning. 

It will all work out.