how I do it

I do a lot of things.
I say that, but there's days (not infrequently) that I feel like I've accomplished nothing at the end of the day.
But every time I talk on social media about the things I'm working on, I inevitably get some version of this question.....

"BUT WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!"
Basically, you folks want to know how I do it and have two wild, needy, hungry, perfect, sweet, loud minions running around. And it's a good question that I would probably ask if I was outside my life looking in, too. So this is my attempt to answer it, because a simple phrase won't do the question justice. (Don't we all wish it was as simple as that.  Can I be Molly Weasley and have brooms picking up after my children all day.... ?? #simplefix but I digress)

First, I'm going to tell you a story about the moment my pain to stay still became bigger than my pain to start.

When Rory was three weeks old we moved into a foreclosure. I mean, it didn't have to be gutted.... but it was definitely a foreclosure. The yard was made of weeds our dog could get lost in, the walls had all been painted a hideous brown by the foreclosure company, the carpets reeked of urine, and there were egg stains on the front from some teenage kids. Cute. But Overwhelming. The only thing we hired out was the floor installation (after a huge debacle ripping the nasty carpet out which included baby Rory strapped to my chest and a very mean trespassing goose.... a story for another time). 

We were over the moon, regardless of the flaws. And Rory was colicky, and Jay was working long hours and exhausted every night, and I was totally overwhelmed with both my new situation and the enormity of the projects ahead. (As a side note, I was raised in a house with a dad who preferred to hire out all maintenance, so although I had the heart for it, whether I had the skill was tbd)

Rory didn't nap at all at first, so I spent a lot of time holding her through naptime and staring at the ugly brown walls (as I watched countless hours of Gilmore Girls) but then we got over that hurdle and I thought maybe I could do some things. But I didn't. EVERY, SINGLE wall and ceiling in this house needed to be painted... at a minimum. Not to mention the 137 nail holes in what must have been a poster-clad teenager's room upstairs. So I waited for Jay and I to find some magical hour where we weren't exhausted and didn't have more pressing projects that required a team. Months passed, and it just didn't happen. And I looked at those walls every day. And they were not quite sparking joy if you catch my drift.

But one day I had the realization that if I was intentional with the hour and a half that Rory napped each day, in one week I could have a room painted. And in 52 maybe I could actually do this myself. And I was tired of waiting. So I would prep before she fell asleep. Get my paint clothes on, get all the tools prepped and ready, and the moment she went down I would paint. I felt so empowered. Because I've been where you are, sitting and waiting for a time when I can do all these things I want to do. And I've been on the other side hustling with whatever time I have. Not scrolling, not waiting, not tidying, not delaying, just hustling. (There are still days... lots of them... when I don't hustle like I should. But I've worked on it and I have more days than not when I chase dreams in my downtime)

So if you aren't here for stories here's the four things that I think are the most crucial to understanding how I do the things I do.

1- Just use what you have.
I don't use fancy tools, and we've honestly never had much of a budget for these sort of things. I pay for the stuff I want to do with birthday giftcards and side hustle money selling used clothes. For painting the exterior of our house I literally started by using a roller because I just really wanted to start and if it took all summer I was going to do it (Luckily, a neighbor saw me and took pity on me and my gumption... and we learned how to use his sprayer as we went!) So learn on youtube, borrow tools when necessary, but mostly start where you are using what you have and go from there. In the words of Alison Robertson- DONE IS FUN!

2- Be ok with incremental progress
This is huge- because it's not going to feel like an HGTV makeover show. Immediate gratification is nice, but working your tail off doing things yourself is so much less glamorous. There is sawdust and unfinished projects taking up space, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes for months. depending on the project. (It's easy to think "oh my gosh! 8 posts ago she was starting and now she's done! But I started my closet in October so let that serve as a little reality check for us all) We have never had a nanny (although I just recently struck a trade deal for a couple hours a week with the girl down the street and I. AM. STOKED) or a housecleaner, and for the first four years of the process I didn't even have a car so just do what you can. I've learned to leverage mornings, naptimes, clothing resale apps, and amazon prime. You can do anything you set your mind to, but just set your expectations on incremental but consistent(ish) progress... at least at first.

3- Your house won't be clean.
It just won't, and from watching/knowing other women doing things like this (and not like this)  I just can assure you that if you spend every spare moment in a week working on something that takes you away from your daily routine and chores, YOUR HOUSE WILL BE WRECKED. And unless you have a house cleaner, that's just a price you have to pay. Somebody said to me yesterday, "But your house is probably always clean" and I laughed out loud. They obviously don't know me well enough yet, because it's just not. really. ever.

4- Sometimes the kids will watch TV and eat less than ideal snacks
This is self explanatory, but I always think of my kids playing in the dirt (oh, you thought we had a backyard!? Wrong you were!) wearing their pajamas at 3pm while we painted the house exterior..... and I think they ate cheese sticks and cereal for dinner. You can't have it all. The illusion of a perfectly clean house, perfectly groomed children, and sh*t getting done all at the same time is just that... an illusion.

So there it is. I work slowly, with what I have, sometimes with help but a lot by myself. Some days my kids are a little wilder and the work halts or progresses more slowly. But I've learned to manage expectations and be pleased by progress. Both my time and my budget are small, but my impact can be big if I just give it time. I'll be over here working if you need me.

And now a couple before and afters, because what's more satisfying than that?!
*and a blurred out bra because there aint no going back to take new 'Before' pictures now!*

How to end the madness

I think I have a unique circumstance in some ways: I grew up in small town USA, where most people were white, but it wasn't suburbia where everyone was the same economic class. In fact, the people I knew with very little money were mostly white people. The people I knew that used drugs and did stupid stuff and had kids out right out of high school and had dysfunctional homes? The kids I knew in the foster care system? Mostly white. I'm not here to make a point of any of this. I'm here to share experience from a different perspective, which I think is important. It's a perspective that often feels apathetic and helpless.

I don't know how to do this delicately, and I'm not saying by any means that my experience is representative of the whole country, or my goodness- the whole state or county. But that does not make my experience any less real. And I think that's the problem. If someone has a different experience than what the loudest news station or protestor or blogger is saying, it's jumped on and discounted and we all end up with these extreme views because they're the only ones that are acceptable. BUT WHAT IF WE DIDN'T. What if we prioritized kindness over politics and did things that made a difference? Here! Now! And were bipartisan! I just think if we focused on people over politics life would be such a better place.  I'm suggesting... what if these issues with riots and bigotry and hatred were bipartisan, and what if there was a simple solution to begin fighting them? End rant momentarily.

I'm not saying kids who were different in my town weren't ever picked on. I think it happens everywhere in every high school in America, because.... high school. Different clothes, different likes, different levels of nerdiness, and sometimes different skin color.  When it happened it made me uncomfortable, and I knew it was wrong, and I didn't always speak up because I didn't know what to say and I wasn't confident enough in myself to put myself in a situation where that could possibly bring attention (probably negative attention) to myself. But I should have. It wasn't always someone with different skin color, in fact I think more often it was just kids who were different. Different in any way.

I want to offer a way that we can work to dispel hatred and bigotry, and I don't believe riots and verbal confrontation are the answers. And though peaceful protest has a place and purpose, I don't think they are the end-all answer either. I think to get started we have to do one thing; a simple thing that only requires a decided mind and brave heart. Decide today to teach our children to speak up when somebody is picked on, or when somebody says something mean. They don't have to end friendships over these sorts of comments, in fact, I think friends who consistently and kindly encourage us to be better and think differently are a good thing. Practice kindness and boldness and bravery. If something makes you feel funny in your gut, say calmly, "I don't think that's true" or "that hasn't been my experience". Do it yourself, and teach your children to do it. Nobody needs be embarrassed or called out or shamed. We don't have to have heated arguments over everything, because nobody is converted to kindness through shouting and argument. Those create immediate defensiveness and form a wall, which is exactly what we don't want. Be calm, but firm. Be kind.

I've always had this gut feeling that if we focus on our families and our communities and the things we can change, instead of obsessing over the people and the politics that we cannot (or at least maybe not right this second) the world would inherently be better. If people with mental illness had a supportive family or community to go to for help, if when hate was expressed it was overwhelmed by love, if our children felt safe and confident enough to stand up for right because we had set that example for them, if every person had a friend, family member, or neighbor to go to when times were tough wouldn't our world be different?

If we teach our children these things, and be them ourselves, we can change our circle. And if we each change our respective circles, we can change the world. We may not live in a community where racial tensions are prevalent, or where the hatred rampant in our country seem extremely present. In those situations it's easy to feel the hopelessness rise and ask yourself, "what on earth can I do from here?" I'm suggesting that if we do these things and practice, we will have the strength to say something if someone is treated unfairly at work, and our children will know how to respond to ignorant and hateful remarks whether in their circle now, or in their jobs twenty years from now.

Has a politician ever changed your mind more than your mother or your father, or your most influential professor or teacher? The influence we have in our homes and communities is/can be so deep and far-reaching, that if we discount it and it's effects we are leaving more on the table than we know.

We can vote. We can voice our concerns, we can be involved in politics however we can. But we also can work within the walls of our own homes and the boundaries of our own communities to make sure our children are brave enough and strong enough to help where ever they are and where ever they end up. Kindness spreads and changes people. And it is the antidote to hatred. Don't discount your instinct to go home and hug your babies after something horrific like Las Vegas happens. I think our gut is right on about these sort of things.

“If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family.” -Mother Teresa

small town taylor

I've thought about changing my blog name for a while now.
I just felt like Southern Boy, Country Girl didn't really represent what I wanted this blog to.
And as much as every marriage has perfectly aligned opinions (hahaha!),
my writing represents my point of view and not necessarily Jay's.
Not to say Jay won't make his occasional appearance here, because he will.
That guy rocks my world.

What I do want this (and me) to be about is my roots. Where I come from.
Who I am and what I've learned is so largely due to where I've come from and where I've been.
I want this blog to represent honest, simple, real thought and memories.
Because those are the things I value.
I want my writing to represent the small town part of me.
The part that values family, and friendship, and kindness.

I want to share things that will maybe help others (insert mom-helps and recipes!)
knowing that they would've helped me before I learned them myself.
I want to connect and share and be present and mindful and helpful.
I want my blog to feel like my hometown,
where we know and help each other and say hi.
And when we have something going on, we always have someone to talk to.

So that's that.
I love you, I bet.

2015 in review

The past year has been such a whirlwind adventure for us! From experiencing the dream that was 2nd trimester of my pregnancy with Rory, the excitement of 3rd trimester, getting a puppy, finally meeting our girl, and moving to a new state, it was full of adventures! I remember somebody saying to me in the heat of all of the changes to try to enjoy it because someday there won't be so many new, exciting things going on. I certainly have loved it all looking back!

We really have tried (and mostly succeeded!) in fully enjoying all the madness that was 2015! 

Cheers to a new year!

January: Just around the New Year we went on a Caribbean cruise out of New Orleans. We got to eat so much good food, explore some Louisiana plantations, and lounge on the most beautiful Jamaican beach- it was really a dream trip! I was in the golden 2nd trimester, and on our way home I felt Rory kick for the first time. 

February: I turned 24 and got a prenatal massage for my birthday, which I would recommend to anyone and everyone who likes massages. Also, I seem to remember I made a lot of homemade bread during this time...

 March: I went from no bump to serious bump this month and got a lot of "wow, you still have a long ways to go comments" that I thought were equal parts frightening and annoying (maybe the belly explosion had something to do with all that homemade bread? lol). Luckily, by the end I didn't double in size like I thought, just got a heck of a lot tighter and got some rad stretch marks. Also Winnie May had her blessing day and Rory kicked like a maniac in my stomach the entire time. I feel like it was her way of saying, "That's my friend! I know her!"

April: We celebrated our two year anniversary and Jay surprised me with a mini re-creation of our wedding cake! We also went out to Utah to search for a house!

 

May: Jay's sister and her family came to stay with us on the ranch and at the beach for their vacation and it was so fun! They also convinced us to take a puppy from their sweet lab's litter, and they drove Boo out from New Mexico with them! We had a tough time deciding to take on a puppy with a baby due three weeks away, but we are so glad we did. We love our sweet Boo. Also, I was legitimately large by this point!

June: We met our sweet Rory and finalized the sale of our first home this month! Meeting Rory was the best thing, although I had a wake-up call of a tough recovery. We found our dream home back in April, but didn't find out it was still for sale (foreclosure sales are tricky) until this month. It was a tough process, but we finally got it all sorted out and started the sale before Rory was born and signed all the final paperwork the week after Rory came! 

 July: July was the month of family vacation and no floors. We soaked up all the cousin/family time we could with our sweet girl, then moved out to Utah. We moved into our new home, and immediately had to rip out the carpet due to some nasty pet stains. (by some I mean a lot), but our contractor was running behind schedule so Rory slept in a travel bassinet on the kitchen table and I lived in the kitchen (where the tile had survived the previous owners pets) with two pieces of furniture until August when we had floors and could move in for real.

August: We blessed our sweet (albeit extremely grumpy) girl at home in our new home with both sides of the family in town. The floors we finished two days before, and our air conditioner needed a tune up so the house was 80+ degrees. I can laugh about it now, though I had a hard time laughing about it then. My mom and Brooke stayed for a week, which was a much needed help for me because Rory was still pretty colicky and exhausting at this point.

September: We brave camping with tiny Rory and she does surprisingly well, albeit the wake up call was bright and early with the sunrise. Brooke came to visit for her 17th birthday and we loved every short second of that weekend!

October: We were unicorns for Halloween and went to Vegas as a family! Also my mom and Brooke came out to visit for a week, which was wonderful. 

November: We went home to spend Thanksgiving with my family, and Rory soaked up all the cousin time!

December: Rory skyrockets in terms of happiness and cuteness. This is our favorite age yet, and we are absolutely smitten with this kid. Also we sent out Christmas cards (though, for budget purposes, mostly to family) So here's your digital copy if you didn't get one! We love you and hope your year has been as full of growth, struggle, and joy as ours.

Life lately in iphone pictures

Here's how life lately looks: [and pictures for grandma] 

-First things first, the pictures range from family vacation at the beach until now. Rory has been so blessed to have felt so much love during this first little stretch of her life! Grandma and grandpa great visited us, and then Clara and Winnie came and I swear I've never seen a two year old as obsessed with babies as Clara is with Rory. Every morning when we would come down the stairs she would rush out to see "baby cousin" and immediately plop down on her butt where ever she was and open her arms to hold her. It melted me every single time- I miss that chunky muffin. Anyways...

-We've moved! We're in Utah! Now, people keep asking me, "are you settled?", but the answer to that question is tricky. We are moved. We are living in our house. Jay has started his new job. I have a pseudo routine set up with Rory. But the house we bought is a foreclosure that needs a little tlc, so settled is not the right word. Our first day in our new house was spent ripping out the carpet because the previous owners had un-potty trained pets living inside.... it was disgusting. And nothing was really cleaned when they moved out, so everything had to be washed before anything could be put away. And doing that with a baby in arms is not the easiest thing I've ever attempted. As a mom, you find out really quick which things can be done with one arm and which can't. Also which things can be done with baby strapped to you. [though it helps, it doesn't make everything possible] So here we are, walking around in sandals indoors because we are living on mostly dusty concrete slab until they can finally come and put in our new floors... and putting only the most necessary furniture in the house [enter mattress and rocking chair] while the rest sits in the garage.

-THUS... we have so many people we want to see and have over, but our house isn't really ready to entertain (much less functionally eat dinner in) right now, so we are having to hold off on being hosts until we at least get floors. But we love you! We are working on it!

-A huge plus about being in Utah is that it puts us close to Jay's extended family. Our first Sunday here, his grandma invited everyone over for dessert and it was so fun! Jay has a whole passel of girl cousins from ages 9-24 (ish) and I'll just say that Rory never got put down with all of them there and loved every minute of it. We love being here so close to them!

-She is the funniest sleeper. First, she's loud- it is so so funny. She grunts and makes these little throaty groans in her sleep and it's hilarious. Also, she drools hardcore and if she escapes the swaddle she twists as far as she can onto her side and puts her hands straight up in the air.

-Within the first week we were here, there were a few really tough days. The kind where she didn't sleep well at night, took no naps during the day, and refused to be out of my arms for longer than 60 seconds. Luckily [though I thought for sure it would] it didn't last forever and now we are back to a totally livable schedule of a couple solid naps per day and only 1-2 nighttime nursings. Hallelujah, because I wasn't sure I could make it. One of the last pictures shows how I ended up at the end of one of those days- still in sweats, with baby strapped to me to keep her calm while I laid in bed to rest for just a second. Also shoutout to my sister's (and my) friend Erin for bringing me dinner on one of those rough days. You are a true gem and a lifesaver.

-Baby girl LOVES music. If I need to keep her calm a little longer to brush my teeth/do the dishes I just put some music on and sit her by the window she loves to look out and we swing it pretty nicely.

-Rory has just started this weekend to try to smile, which is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. So basically I'm now addicted to trying to make her do it again and I spend most of her waking moments talking to her and giving her the cheesiest grins. Somehow though, I just can't get the same amount of smiles Jay can- go figure.

-She's still SO TALL! I put her in some 3 month footie pajamas I had packed for the move thinking they wouldn't fit, and they are too short! Her leg can't quite straighten all the way in them! Really. It's wild- I measured her and looked up the growth charts and she's still somewhere above 90th percentile.

-Her baby acne has cleared up, but her skin has gotten so so dry since we moved! Her poor little cheeks look almost like they've got a mild case of eczema, and are so rough and scaly even though I use lotion every day. I've ordered Tubby Todd's lotion and baby wash to see if it will clear it up- I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

-Mostly, we are loving being here. Jay is loving his new job, and for now all my spare time is spent trying to furnish the house, clean, and get ready for all the company we have coming into town these next few weeks. We are a very happy little family of three.

(*oh, and we maybe snuck in to visit Aunt Karlee at the Oakland visitor's center and I made her kiss Rory's cheeks!)