How to end the madness

I think I have a unique circumstance in some ways: I grew up in small town USA, where most people were white, but it wasn't suburbia where everyone was the same economic class. In fact, the people I knew with very little money were mostly white people. The people I knew that used drugs and did stupid stuff and had kids out right out of high school and had dysfunctional homes? The kids I knew in the foster care system? Mostly white. I'm not here to make a point of any of this. I'm here to share experience from a different perspective, which I think is important. It's a perspective that often feels apathetic and helpless.

I don't know how to do this delicately, and I'm not saying by any means that my experience is representative of the whole country, or my goodness- the whole state or county. But that does not make my experience any less real. And I think that's the problem. If someone has a different experience than what the loudest news station or protestor or blogger is saying, it's jumped on and discounted and we all end up with these extreme views because they're the only ones that are acceptable. BUT WHAT IF WE DIDN'T. What if we prioritized kindness over politics and did things that made a difference? Here! Now! And were bipartisan! I just think if we focused on people over politics life would be such a better place.  I'm suggesting... what if these issues with riots and bigotry and hatred were bipartisan, and what if there was a simple solution to begin fighting them? End rant momentarily.

I'm not saying kids who were different in my town weren't ever picked on. I think it happens everywhere in every high school in America, because.... high school. Different clothes, different likes, different levels of nerdiness, and sometimes different skin color.  When it happened it made me uncomfortable, and I knew it was wrong, and I didn't always speak up because I didn't know what to say and I wasn't confident enough in myself to put myself in a situation where that could possibly bring attention (probably negative attention) to myself. But I should have. It wasn't always someone with different skin color, in fact I think more often it was just kids who were different. Different in any way.

I want to offer a way that we can work to dispel hatred and bigotry, and I don't believe riots and verbal confrontation are the answers. And though peaceful protest has a place and purpose, I don't think they are the end-all answer either. I think to get started we have to do one thing; a simple thing that only requires a decided mind and brave heart. Decide today to teach our children to speak up when somebody is picked on, or when somebody says something mean. They don't have to end friendships over these sorts of comments, in fact, I think friends who consistently and kindly encourage us to be better and think differently are a good thing. Practice kindness and boldness and bravery. If something makes you feel funny in your gut, say calmly, "I don't think that's true" or "that hasn't been my experience". Do it yourself, and teach your children to do it. Nobody needs be embarrassed or called out or shamed. We don't have to have heated arguments over everything, because nobody is converted to kindness through shouting and argument. Those create immediate defensiveness and form a wall, which is exactly what we don't want. Be calm, but firm. Be kind.

I've always had this gut feeling that if we focus on our families and our communities and the things we can change, instead of obsessing over the people and the politics that we cannot (or at least maybe not right this second) the world would inherently be better. If people with mental illness had a supportive family or community to go to for help, if when hate was expressed it was overwhelmed by love, if our children felt safe and confident enough to stand up for right because we had set that example for them, if every person had a friend, family member, or neighbor to go to when times were tough wouldn't our world be different?

If we teach our children these things, and be them ourselves, we can change our circle. And if we each change our respective circles, we can change the world. We may not live in a community where racial tensions are prevalent, or where the hatred rampant in our country seem extremely present. In those situations it's easy to feel the hopelessness rise and ask yourself, "what on earth can I do from here?" I'm suggesting that if we do these things and practice, we will have the strength to say something if someone is treated unfairly at work, and our children will know how to respond to ignorant and hateful remarks whether in their circle now, or in their jobs twenty years from now.

Has a politician ever changed your mind more than your mother or your father, or your most influential professor or teacher? The influence we have in our homes and communities is/can be so deep and far-reaching, that if we discount it and it's effects we are leaving more on the table than we know.

We can vote. We can voice our concerns, we can be involved in politics however we can. But we also can work within the walls of our own homes and the boundaries of our own communities to make sure our children are brave enough and strong enough to help where ever they are and where ever they end up. Kindness spreads and changes people. And it is the antidote to hatred. Don't discount your instinct to go home and hug your babies after something horrific like Las Vegas happens. I think our gut is right on about these sort of things.

“If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family.” -Mother Teresa