how I do it

I do a lot of things.
I say that, but there's days (not infrequently) that I feel like I've accomplished nothing at the end of the day.
But every time I talk on social media about the things I'm working on, I inevitably get some version of this question.....

"BUT WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!"
Basically, you folks want to know how I do it and have two wild, needy, hungry, perfect, sweet, loud minions running around. And it's a good question that I would probably ask if I was outside my life looking in, too. So this is my attempt to answer it, because a simple phrase won't do the question justice. (Don't we all wish it was as simple as that.  Can I be Molly Weasley and have brooms picking up after my children all day.... ?? #simplefix but I digress)

First, I'm going to tell you a story about the moment my pain to stay still became bigger than my pain to start.

When Rory was three weeks old we moved into a foreclosure. I mean, it didn't have to be gutted.... but it was definitely a foreclosure. The yard was made of weeds our dog could get lost in, the walls had all been painted a hideous brown by the foreclosure company, the carpets reeked of urine, and there were egg stains on the front from some teenage kids. Cute. But Overwhelming. The only thing we hired out was the floor installation (after a huge debacle ripping the nasty carpet out which included baby Rory strapped to my chest and a very mean trespassing goose.... a story for another time). 

We were over the moon, regardless of the flaws. And Rory was colicky, and Jay was working long hours and exhausted every night, and I was totally overwhelmed with both my new situation and the enormity of the projects ahead. (As a side note, I was raised in a house with a dad who preferred to hire out all maintenance, so although I had the heart for it, whether I had the skill was tbd)

Rory didn't nap at all at first, so I spent a lot of time holding her through naptime and staring at the ugly brown walls (as I watched countless hours of Gilmore Girls) but then we got over that hurdle and I thought maybe I could do some things. But I didn't. EVERY, SINGLE wall and ceiling in this house needed to be painted... at a minimum. Not to mention the 137 nail holes in what must have been a poster-clad teenager's room upstairs. So I waited for Jay and I to find some magical hour where we weren't exhausted and didn't have more pressing projects that required a team. Months passed, and it just didn't happen. And I looked at those walls every day. And they were not quite sparking joy if you catch my drift.

But one day I had the realization that if I was intentional with the hour and a half that Rory napped each day, in one week I could have a room painted. And in 52 maybe I could actually do this myself. And I was tired of waiting. So I would prep before she fell asleep. Get my paint clothes on, get all the tools prepped and ready, and the moment she went down I would paint. I felt so empowered. Because I've been where you are, sitting and waiting for a time when I can do all these things I want to do. And I've been on the other side hustling with whatever time I have. Not scrolling, not waiting, not tidying, not delaying, just hustling. (There are still days... lots of them... when I don't hustle like I should. But I've worked on it and I have more days than not when I chase dreams in my downtime)

So if you aren't here for stories here's the four things that I think are the most crucial to understanding how I do the things I do.

1- Just use what you have.
I don't use fancy tools, and we've honestly never had much of a budget for these sort of things. I pay for the stuff I want to do with birthday giftcards and side hustle money selling used clothes. For painting the exterior of our house I literally started by using a roller because I just really wanted to start and if it took all summer I was going to do it (Luckily, a neighbor saw me and took pity on me and my gumption... and we learned how to use his sprayer as we went!) So learn on youtube, borrow tools when necessary, but mostly start where you are using what you have and go from there. In the words of Alison Robertson- DONE IS FUN!

2- Be ok with incremental progress
This is huge- because it's not going to feel like an HGTV makeover show. Immediate gratification is nice, but working your tail off doing things yourself is so much less glamorous. There is sawdust and unfinished projects taking up space, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes for months. depending on the project. (It's easy to think "oh my gosh! 8 posts ago she was starting and now she's done! But I started my closet in October so let that serve as a little reality check for us all) We have never had a nanny (although I just recently struck a trade deal for a couple hours a week with the girl down the street and I. AM. STOKED) or a housecleaner, and for the first four years of the process I didn't even have a car so just do what you can. I've learned to leverage mornings, naptimes, clothing resale apps, and amazon prime. You can do anything you set your mind to, but just set your expectations on incremental but consistent(ish) progress... at least at first.

3- Your house won't be clean.
It just won't, and from watching/knowing other women doing things like this (and not like this)  I just can assure you that if you spend every spare moment in a week working on something that takes you away from your daily routine and chores, YOUR HOUSE WILL BE WRECKED. And unless you have a house cleaner, that's just a price you have to pay. Somebody said to me yesterday, "But your house is probably always clean" and I laughed out loud. They obviously don't know me well enough yet, because it's just not. really. ever.

4- Sometimes the kids will watch TV and eat less than ideal snacks
This is self explanatory, but I always think of my kids playing in the dirt (oh, you thought we had a backyard!? Wrong you were!) wearing their pajamas at 3pm while we painted the house exterior..... and I think they ate cheese sticks and cereal for dinner. You can't have it all. The illusion of a perfectly clean house, perfectly groomed children, and sh*t getting done all at the same time is just that... an illusion.

So there it is. I work slowly, with what I have, sometimes with help but a lot by myself. Some days my kids are a little wilder and the work halts or progresses more slowly. But I've learned to manage expectations and be pleased by progress. Both my time and my budget are small, but my impact can be big if I just give it time. I'll be over here working if you need me.

And now a couple before and afters, because what's more satisfying than that?!
*and a blurred out bra because there aint no going back to take new 'Before' pictures now!*

Rory- 16 month(ish)

-Rory says over thirty words on a regular basis (including neigh, egg, out, hi, no, bye, Jay, etc), and there is constant baby chatter in our house. 

-She is in constant motion, and always wants to be "side" playing in the dirt and smelling the flowers.

-Loves the neighborhood kids and yells "hi! hi! hi!" at them if she hears them come to the door then proceeds to spend as long as she possibly can playing with them outside (they are all between 5-10 years old). When I come outside to check on her she is literally beaming and always cries for a minute when she realizes I'm there to take her away.

-Sleeps a solid 12 hours at night but hardly ever longer, and naps once a day for 1.5-2 hours.

-Is absolutely obsessed with Boo and wakes up every morning calling her name. 

-Goes up and down the stairs like a little daredevil/champion.

-Loves the massive bear Uncle Zane bought her at Costco and if it's too quiet most of the time it means she is sitting in it's lap reading her books. 

-Is obsessed with the word "neigh" and throws it around like it's nothing. We will be in the middle of the store and she will yell out "neigh!". There's almost never a horse around.  

-Has the BEST gap teeth, and if you're lucky she will show them to you on command with an eyes-closed cheeser.

-Asks me to put socks and shoes on her first thing every single morning, and is peeved if she wore footies to bed and can't until after breakfast. Most often, she requests her boots (seen below). She also wants to wear hats and jackets almost always.

-Makes friends with anyone and everyone, though typically after getting their attention by shouting "hi!" on repeat, she refuses to speak and just smirks at them. 

-Rory really is a generally happy, obedient child. She has her extremely high volume opinionated moments, but other than those she helps me put things away, clean up, and keeps me laughing all day long. Grateful for a lot of things, but a really big one is that Jay works so hard so I can be home with her and be her person. 

Summer magic & one year plus some

The months are flying! I've been reminiscing a lot on how far we've come this past year. From the work we've put into our fixer-upper home (which is an entirely different set of posts in itself) and watching our baby grow it has really been something.

Rory is so fun right now. She's got the best sense of humor and loves making people laugh. And she laughs easily, which she comes by naturally.

She crawls EVERYwhere, sometimes in the downward dog position because she still prefers using her feet over using her knees. She can stand for long periods of time and took her first step on the 4th of July, but doesn't regularly walk without a finger or couch to hold on to. She does crawl up the stairs like a champ, and is getting pretty good at going down as well. Her favorite thing to do is crawl over to the bottom of the stairs and laugh and squeal preemptively because she knows I'll come get her any second.

She finally decided that she likes the water! So our favorite thing to do right now is go to the gym the moment she wakes up from her morning nap, then spend an hour or so at the rec center pool after I'm done. She stands waist high in the kiddie pool water and happily splashes and watches the other kids. It's so so magical.

She eats more than I do, and that's not a joke. Some days I run out of ideas of things to feed her. Anybody else have this issue? We've mostly weaned. I still nurse her once every couple of days if she will nurse, though I know that can't go on forever as I'm sure I eventually won't have anything left to give. Thank heavens for Boo the vacuum cleaner who eats all her crumbs off the floor as self-feeding is a beautiful, messy thing. Rory has also been known to feed Boo on purpose from her chair the little rascal.

Puppy and baby become more and more mutually obsessed as the days go by. Rory easily gives Boo ten kisses in the space of 5 minutes and giggles at her so hard that she gives herself hiccups at least once a day. Boo is done with the bulk of her shedding for summer, but even still the constant vacuuming is worth it for how much these two love each other.

Our neighbor has the most magical apricot tree in her backyard. It's so full of apricots that she and I had to go out and brace the limbs to keep them from breaking, as several of the others already had. She has no family here and is so sweet to let us play on the lawn and steal an apricot here and there. (she sent me home with 3 full bags last week) Speaking of lawns, we are finally going to have a yard! We've been doing everything ourselves, so it's been quite the process. But we are almost there! My friend said I will just roll around in it I'll be so happy, and I quite agree. Anyways, I knew the moment I saw those limbs full of apricots that I needed to get a picture or two of Rory there. So I did, and Rory picked an apricot right off the tree and ate it mid-photo. Sometimes there's magic in our backyards. Really.

I did include a crying picture to bring us all back to reality. Homegirl is breaking 4 of her top teeth at the same time right now. So much drool, so many chewed fingers, and a good bit of fussing depending on the day.

11 months: our little/big chunk

I had a friend say yesterday that she seems even bigger than she was two weeks ago. And it's true! I'm getting all nostalgic just thinking about it. Don't even talk to me about her being a year old next month. My baby!

Rory at 11 months:

-Gets asked all the time if she's "...6, 7? Maybe 8? months old" I blame it on the chub, bald head, and lack of teeth. But heck I don't care, stay my baby!

-Is all about her daddy. Unless she's upset about something (in which case, as Jay says, I'm the epitome of comfort) she lights up every time he walks into a room and lunges out of my arms to get to him.

-Loves to dance. The moment the new JT song come on or her dad whistles "Once upon a dream" she begins to rock back and forth, swing her arms and shake her head. She was the star of the dance floor at the wedding we attended last weekend where she danced like crazy up on top of her dad's shoulders or in my arms. The photographer said to me more than once, "I can't stop taking pictures of her!" And I didn't blame her one bit.

-Caught the movement bug a week or so ago and is now trying to walk and crawl all at once. We even found her sitting up in the corner of her crib yesterday. This all makes for an exhausted mama, because she wants to move but needs my help all the time. Luckily, standing against the couch or a chair on her own keeps her happy for 10 minute intervals and I can get things done.

-LOVES FOOD. Jay is constantly impressed by how much food she can put down, especially for breakfast. Most days she eats a whole piece of fruit (or massive handful of frozen blueberries), a pancake or muffin and sometimes a scrambled egg to top it off. These last two weeks especially I've had to strain my creative juices to come up with new things for her to eat a million times per day.

-Sleeps pretty well, but not currently. Whenever she's teething or about to pass a developmental milestone, Rory's sleep schedule gets thrown way off. And right now she's doing both, so it's killing me! She wakes up bright and early at 6:30 to nurse (even though she had previously pushed that back until 8 a month ago) then gets up around 7:30 wide awake. I typically like to get up early, but I've been fighting a cold for almost three weeks so this whole sleep-protest thing has got me beat.

-Has the cheesiest, full face grin that we can't get enough of, and has the cutest sense of humor! When she's by herself in the living room or in her carseat she will randomly start giggling at whatever stuffed animal she's playing with. Sometimes she's just cracking herself up. It's the best. We can't get enough.

Mostly, we still go to bed at night talking about how cute our little chunk is and spend a minute watching her sleep on the baby monitor. We're clearly obsessed.