how to be healthy and eat heavy whipping cream

No, you're not about to be introduced to some weird health fad.
I'm not going to tell you to eat only vegetables, or liquids, or anything of the sort.
I just want to talk about being healthy.
I want to talk about how to be healthy.

I'm not claiming to be the epitome of perfect health,
but I've figured out a few things through my rocky relationship with my body over the years.
I'm a happier, better person for it and I think it's time I share what I do know.
And I really started learning the things I know now when I met Jay.

Let's rewind for a second.
I hated my body for a lot of years.
Hate is a strong word, but in some ways it's accurate.
So anytime something went wrong in my life,
anytime a boy didn't like me,
anytime I didn't have the confidence to go after something,
I blamed my body.
Maybe not always intentionally, but still pretty much always.

"If I was skinny, it would be different... it would be easier... I would be happier"
And that continued to magnify the problem. 
And somewhere in between there I tried crazy diets,
and ate too much, [because who cared anyways]
and I exercised to punish myself for eating,
and I never could reach that skinny point that I wanted so badly.
Then I fell in love with a boy,
and he loved me for exactly how I was,
and I still weighed the same I always had.

And very slowly, I began to love my body.

Now, I'm not saying all it takes is a boy to love your body.
Apparently I was just so blinded by hate that God had to send Jay to intervene.
I think the word I'm looking for is..... stubborn.

But I think more than love my body,
I began to care about my body.
And I cared for a variety of reasons.
I wanted to be healthy and feel good and be happier and better and have healthy babies someday.
And I wanted to stop abusing my body.
And consequently I began to treat my body better.

I didn't do any crazy diets,
I didn't starve myself,
I just listened.
And when I was hungry, I ate.
And I ate what I felt like eating. 
Sometimes I craved a little sugar,
sometimes not.
And I followed my body's orders.

I wasn't trying to lose weight anymore,
I was simply focusing on treating my body well.  
And it came off slowly, imperceptibly, but hasn't come back.
And now I'm married to that boy,
and on occasion I cook with heavy whipping cream.
And I don't even punish myself.
And sometimes I eat fries for lunch,
and I don't even feel guilty.
And sometimes I feel like I've eaten too much heavy food,
and I eat an apple because that's what sounds good.

And that sweet husband of mine liked me how I was twenty five pounds ago,
and likes me how I am now.
Because he loved me.
He didn't care about that number on the scale I'd been obsessing over.

Being healthy is an adventure, not a destination.
And shockingly, healthy looks different on each of us.
We just have to figure out what makes us feel good,
and what our individual healthy looks like.

Now I'm re-figuring out my relationship with exercise.
Because it was my punishment for eating for so long,
I've got to reach a healthy medium there too.
But that's a story for another time. 

I searched up some pictures that are painful to post,
but I think they help tell the story a little.
Maybe you don't really see the difference, and maybe that's the point!
I see it, but mostly I see the way I felt then, and the way I feel now.
Not all of you will understand, and you may have never been at war with your body before.
But some of you have, and maybe some of you will have daughters that will.
Some of you have best friends who battle themselves, and some of you have wives.
And I hope somewhere in there this gives you understanding, or hope,
or just a quick read about what it felt like to be me for a long time.
And where I'm at now.

I hope you're happy today,
I sure am.