It's ok to like your kid

I love my kid, it's not a secret. She's awesome and fun and funny and smart and dang cute. She's also two... so sometimes she's a tantrum-thrower and screamer and very bossy little thing. 

I, however, like to focus on the former rather than the latter. 

Not because I think my kid is perfect... but because if you're going to focus on one, it may as well be that one. I feel like I have to make the caveat that what I'm referring to here is not ignoring your child's issues or forgoing discipline because you have on rose-colored lenses. I'm just saying that just like grown-ups, all kids have good and bad and I think we have the choice of which we focus on. 

I can't begin to count the number of times I've given a parent a compliment about their child, and they either shrug it off or tell me something that child has been doing wrong lately to downplay my compliment (i.e. "yeah, well if you saw them at home you wouldn't be saying that") and while I understand the urge to do so,  I wish we wouldn't. There are times I have to make a conscious effort to accept compliments rather than downplay them because it can feel uncomfortable, or maybe I'm not sure what to say, or I want them to realize that my life isn't all roses with this imperfect child! haha. But this is my pleading for us all to accept compliments directed toward our children. And I beg you, please accept compliments toward them if they are standing next to you. If you have nothing else to say, a simple "thanks" will do, if not a "thanks, I agree!".  I think half of us are so used to rejecting compliments about ourselves that we have no idea how to accept them for our children, but it's never done any good for anyone to reject a compliment, has it?

I had this leader in college that taught me about the pygmalion effect. 

It basically is a theory of self-fulfilling prophecy whereby people perform to your expectations of them. They internalize your view of them and become more of whatever that is.

It really makes sense if you think about it. We are human beings, and we internalize what we hear said about us-children even more so. If we hear kind, uplifting things said to us often, how will that affect us? And vis versa? I can tell you that I've seen both play out a million times over and the pygmalion effect has proved true in observation. 

I'm not saying it is some sort of cookie cutter pattern that affects everyone and every child the same. I  just feel this duty as a parent to be a source of kindness and good in my child's life while she lives in a world that doesn't exactly sprinkle those things like pixie dust. I want to be her disciplinarian and her parent, but I also want to be her champion and anybody who wants to champion her with me will be welcomed with open arms. So let's strive to be our kids champions, and next time somebody tells you how perfect they are say with enthusiasm, "thanks so much, I really like him/her too!"